beginnings and ends

have you ever felt all alone and by yourself? like the whole world was against you? well i havent ever really experienced that until today and it sucks. i dont know what to do with myself. i met this guy like a month ago at all state chorus and like we never spoke to each other there but i found him on facebook and we talked on there and he asked me for his number. and so then we start texting and we hit it off like automatically. and then like after a week of straight texting each other he asked if he can call me. and i hate talking on the phone but i reallly wanted to talk to him so i said yes :) ok well we talk for two hours straight and it was amazing and we’ve been talking everday since then on the phone and that was like two weeks ago. here’s the bad part. he lives two hours away and has a girlfriend.  ok soo i realize that im now the “other girl” you know, the one that other girls call homewreckers and a whore. yeah that’s me i guess. and i realize that we live two hours away from each other. but something about when we talk, it’s just there ya know? like i cant help but smile when i hear his voice or get a new text from him. i get butterflies in my stomach everytime i think about him. and i bring up his girlfriend every night we talk so it gives us both a reality check that right now me and him cant be together.  he tells me everytime that they wont last long. and honestly im not getting my hopes up, because i just dont know what their relationship is really like. and he tells me all the time that he’s going to come visit me, but once again im not getting my hopes up because he lives two hours away. im kinda keeping it as a “i’ll believe it when i see it” kinda deal. but no one is supporting me in this. not even my best friend. and i understand that she’s being an awesome best friend and just watching out for me, but i dont want to end things with him. i know there’s something there between us. but i literally felt like 50 people were jumping down my throat at one time attacking me about the whole situation. i had nowhere to turn. nowhere to run to. no one to go to. and i just felt myself collapse. luckily, this guy in my drama class saw me crying and just came up and hugged me which is like exactly what i needed. i just bawled my eyes out in his arms. i cried three times at school today. i havent done that since middle school. i hate this feeling. right now i just want to be want to talk to him about the whole situation. no one understands us, no one understands what’s going on between me and him. he’s the only one i want to talk to right now. but i still feel all alone.

i just want you to be happy. you’re so caught up on this girl, but she doesnt deserve you.  I havent seen you in two years, but we’ve talked almost everyday since the last day we’ve seen each other.  I’ve had a crush on you since freshmen year, we’re now juniors and this feeling for you has only grown stronger.  I dont think you will ever see me the way i see you.  you send me cute little text messages that say simplify 2i<6u (the answers i<3u, i know super cute right?) but i know it’s only as friends.  We make stupid promises to each other like if we’re not married by the time we’re 40 then we’ll marry each other, and secretly i hope that happens because you’ve been the only stable guy in my life for the past two years.  Everytime you tell me that you’re thinking about when you fall in love with the girl of your dreams, i secretly think to myself that the girl of your dreams is me.  this is the craziest thing ever because i havent seen you in two years!  i have such a close friendship with you, but i want something more.  i just want you.

ukbabe:

leave it to my dad, to make sure i know i’ll never really amount to anything. :/

 dear best friend,

I think you’ll amount to everything and more :)

love,

Michelle!

arrowe:

Guess who has to sit next to Regina George during first period.

Uuuuuggghhhh.

 bahahaha! i know who you’re talking about :)

ukbabe:

mcq-usc:

ukbabe:

mcq-usc:

ukbabe:

do everyone a favor and jump off a cliff. we’d be much happier without you.

<3 tori :)

 if only they could see this :)

 today is mr.j’s birthday, he’s 19. one year older and he’s still an ass :) ha, oh and if you click on my page and scroll all the way down you can see all the people i’m following, then just click on whoever you’d like to follow :)

i fear no matter how old sebastard and mr. j get, they will always be alone, they won’t know the feeling of love or compassion and i pity them.

 they will just continue to use innocent girls to get what they want! lucky for us, we caught them before anything happened! sebastard’s just pissed because everything jess said is the truth, and i found out! and mr. j is just a pathetic loser, who likes to prey on juniors because he thinks he can get them in bed…sorry tor. we need to go to church haha. let’s find us some good church guys who wont play us and just try to have sex with us! sound like a plan?

 hahahaha, it’s totally okay michelle. :) i know better now. and yes, church would be good, even though there’s no holy water there haha.

haha sorry just tap water, maybe purified if your lucky haha!

ukbabe:

mcq-usc:

ukbabe:

do everyone a favor and jump off a cliff. we’d be much happier without you.

<3 tori :)

 if only they could see this :)

 today is mr.j’s birthday, he’s 19. one year older and he’s still an ass :) ha, oh and if you click on my page and scroll all the way down you can see all the people i’m following, then just click on whoever you’d like to follow :)

i fear no matter how old sebastard and mr. j get, they will always be alone, they won’t know the feeling of love or compassion and i pity them.

 they will just continue to use innocent girls to get what they want! lucky for us, we caught them before anything happened! sebastard’s just pissed because everything jess said is the truth, and i found out! and mr. j is just a pathetic loser, who likes to prey on juniors because he thinks he can get them in bed…sorry tor. we need to go to church haha. let’s find us some good church guys who wont play us and just try to have sex with us! sound like a plan?

ukbabe:

do everyone a favor and jump off a cliff. we’d be much happier without you.

<3 tori :)

 if only they could see this :)

ukbabe:

kari-shma:

365/365, 2/101 (via AlmostPhony)

 michelle - this is for sebastian :)
me- this is for mr. j

they’re idiots.

 too late they already did :) and jessss gave me his new name, sebastard!

ukbabe:

i wish i could say something inspirational to make things better, but when it comes to boys, i just don’t understand them. i love you with all my heart and i will always be here for you.

 dear best friend,

one day he’ll realize what he gave up.  he’ll try to talk to me again, but im so done with him.  he can go return his little “surprise”, im sure it was cheap anyways haha.  yeah im hurt right now, but now i know, i want a guy that will make me feel the way he did, but better and will do anything in the world to get me.  yeah that’s what i want, it might take a while to find “him” but it’ll happen.  clearly i wasnt supposed to be with him if this has happened twice now, so now it’s time for me to move on and let him be happy.  i love you best friend! wesbian wovas fer lifeee :)